What to do...

What do you do when you miss someone,
but they don't miss you.
When you want to be with them,
but they don't want to.
So she could make her decision,
we took a recess.
Now her mind is made up,
and my heart is in pieces.

What to do? D:

After having not really spoken to me for the better part of 3 weeks I get an e-mail saying, in short, that it's over between us. What else can go wrong now? It's like all the things I was scared of are slowly coming to fruition. I was scared she wouldn't want to see me while she was down, then she didn't. I was scared that she wouldn't even want to talk to me, and now she's not. I was scared of losing my best friend, and now it feels like I have.

So now I don't really know what to do.

At the end of the year, depending on how much money I have saved, I am going to go and do some globe trotting. Europe, Japan, and America at least. After that I don't know. I just figure that it can't hurt to go out and do something crazy, even despite all the scary shit you read about in the news or whatever. I have an idea of what I might do when I get back, but I'm not 100% sure of it just yet so we'll see what happens.

Funny to think that my plan was to at least take her or send her to Japan. Now I'm going to be heading away by myself.

I saw Minh last night, and Zehra this morning. My brother didn't give me overtime for the first time in 3 weeks I've been working, so that was a miracle almost. Zehra keeps complaining about how I dog her whenever she wants to see me so she came by this morning and woke me up and I hung out with her outside for a bit. Her daughter is petrified of me now because she told her I was a doctor so that she wouldn't say anything to her parents about seeing me =p cause she doesn't like to talk about going to the doctors but otherwise she's a very honest little 3 year old. Kind of like family security I guess.

Tomorrow I might be going with Minh to get some stuff from MSY. I need speakers and I might be getting him a birthday present as well. Then Friday night I might be taking Andreya out, she hasn't really decided yet whether she wants a Friday night fooding or a Saturday shopping adventure. Saturday night is, as usual, FFLD BOYZ (and girlfriends [of which I have none now]) night out. Probably the driving range again, then food, and either karaoke or rock-climbing. Or both.

I think Minh's happy to have me back, what with my I don't give a shit where we go or what we do cause I only get one night out with you guys and I need to make it count! attitude. When everyday is a lazy day and I can talk to my friends whenever it's not really such a big deal. Now it's only one night of the week that we all get the opportunity to converge and be merry, so every week I take that opportunity and I grab it. 3 years ago a fun time for us would've been just going to Rob's place and playing XBOX for a couple hours. That's still a fun time for us =p cause we're all slightly computer/game-nerdy, but then going out -no matter where we go or what we do- is awesome with my friends alongside me.

Especially during this time of my life, where most of the time all I feel is devastated. To be honest nothing helps. Not talking about it, not going out and having fun, not spending copious amounts of money. At best, it's just a small distraction for a few hours.

After all I've been through with Shashi, I can say that I have only one thing that I will always regret. That's walking away from, letting go of, and losing the best thing to ever happen to me.

Rufi out.