At the end of 2005 I was in a long distance relationship that had been steadily heading downhill when the planets aligned and I met a girl who would slowly become a big part of my life. The crazy part is that I only found her by playing World of Warcraft, after joining the guild run by the sister of her boyfriend at the time. We discovered eachother on the guild forums, and from there we hit up MSN. For the next 6 months or so we spent nearly everyday talking to eachother, becoming closer and closer.
On May 11th, 2006, I became a very happy man. All that time spent talking, flirting, and playing WoW culminated in the both of us falling in love. It was on this particular day that I asked if she'd be mine and she accepted. Soon after she came down to visit me for 11 days (the best 11 days ever) and after that she'd come to see me every 5 weeks for 3 days at a time. This went on for a few months, until...
My life at home with the family was getting worse. Things had been on the decline since I was 14, but it only started getting really problematic while I was in my last years of highschool. I won't go into specifics here, but it all took quite the toll on me. So in November of 2006 I finally hardened up and directly disobeyed my father instead of tip-toe'ing around everything he wanted me to do and then I ran away from home to be with the girl I loved. The time that followed would end up being the happiest time of my life (I also did really well at University for the first time).
Until the end of 2008, where I think she started getting annoyed at some of the things I did (or didn't) do. I didn't really know it at the time, but I was making her upset. The problem was that she kept on not wanting to make me upset, and so if she ever let me know she was upset/annoyed it would be soon followed by her telling me it was ok. It was hard for me to tell if she was actually upset or not.
Then almost 4 months ago she told me that she wanted to have a break. From eachother. For all intents and purposes the relationship seemed like it was over (even if it was only temporary). There were no more affectionate hugs or cuddles. No more kissing or holding hands. No more massages. We shared a bed but there was a empty space in the middle where lovers once held eachother. In the weeks and months that followed, some of that intimacy returned and slightly eased my fears of it being over for good. From almost ignoring eachother we got to being almost like a couple again, until she asked me to leave so that she could be alone for the rest of the year. My heart broke.
So a few weeks of packing a preparation followed by a 10 hour drive, and here I am. Back home where it all began. My dad was shitty with me before I even got down here. My mum does the same old thing where she gets herself angry talking about stuff in the past. My sister-in-law is a pain, she told her kids that I was sneaking away from Shashi (I knew I had to use her name eventually) which really pisses me off. It hurt when my nephew asked me, loudly and proudly, "are you sneaking away from Shashi?!" Because I would never do that. Sigh.
So that is the rough outline of my story. There are probably little things I don't remember. Maybe other things that I just don't want to mention. But it's enough for anyone who can bother reading this first post to grasp what has gone on in my life, and what's happening from now on. So as with any major change in my life, I start a new blog to tell a new story. It's also fitting that a part of my hometown highschool students' vocabulary involves telling people to "take it home" when you are displeased with them. As my friends would say...
Take it home, Rufi, take it home
No comments:
Post a Comment