Muzak 'n' Lyrics

You know I thought it'd be hard to write original lyrics for myself. I know I've written original stuff before, but that was more-often-than-not to the beat and count of a song that already existed. A lot of the times it was just swapping out the syllables with other words that fit and make sense. More of a parody than original writing, I guess.

But now that I've kind of narrowed down and focused on the theme of these tracks, it's oddly kind of easy to write bits and pieces here and there. Not one of the songs is complete but there are about 5 or 6, and one miscellaneous lyric pad that I have for just random things that don't really have their place yet. If anything, rap lyrics remind me a lot of writing poetry, although the imagery and other techniques I use are probably a lot more literal and amateurish than most other rappers. But I'm trying. It's just so surprising how easy it is to just spin off on all these ideas and themes because they're things that've I know or have gone through or have lived.

The other thing I want to talk about is how people say that time heals all wounds. I've just finished playing through the Wolverine game on 360, and it was cool to see him heal super fast in real-time. It brings me back to a time where I wish I had powers like that, to feel invincible or unstoppable. Because now I sit here and hope for those same powers again. Physically and mentally I'm as good as it gets, maybe even better than I've been before. But emotionally I just feel ill. It's been nearly 2 months (ok more like 6 weeks) and it hasn't gotten any easier. I try my hardest to just get through each day without breaking down, the days roll into a week, the weeks into fortnights, then this fortress that my heart resides in comes tumbling down. Afterward I'm left sobbing to myself in my room, or in bed, the car, whereever. All the strength inside that I can muster seems to be for nothing when the exterior is little more than a sand castle. An exterior that may as well be a canvas painting of sandstone for all the protection it provides. I try to tread gently, but once I falter (as humans tend to) and step down too harshly it all comes tumbling down around me.

Today I posted some of my lyrics as my FaceBook status. Oddly enough they evoked a message of friendship from my good friend Toan. The same Toan who, not long ago, thought that it wasn't worth it to keep this friendship going. Now that I'm back home and we've hung out he's seen that nothing's changed, really. At a time in my life where I needed my friends more than ever, one of them quit. Now that I need them even more, he's back.

Any relationship - be it family, friend, or romantic - that is great and true will last always. There will be times when the path we tread is harsh, with many obstacles to test us. We may fight, we may disagree, we may decide that we're no longer worth each other's time. But good love is hard to find, and for all the differences that 2 people may have, love can shut them down. I have mad love for my friends. The FFLD boys. Some FFLD girls. Because they stick by me even when shit gets bad.

True friends, people who love you, they're few and far between. People who, when the shit hits the fan, will be covered in as much shit as you while you both stand strong. People who, when you're up shit creek without a paddle, will dive in with you to help you out.

I love my friends. So before I go, there are some things I need to do.

Rufi out.