I tried so hard

Can't seem to get away from misery.

Going on nearly 2 months now and I still can't get to sleep easily. I struggle to fall asleep, which results in me sleeping very late. Then I wake up early. 99% of the time I wake up with swollen hands from the way I sleep. I don't know how I sleep that's any different, but it must be something I guess.

I try to listen to everyone's advice. Just forget about it, don't think about it, occupy yourself with something else. I try hard but I can't get out of this position that I've found myself in. I spend everyday hiding in my shell, hoping that the pain will leave me and that I can just get on with things and it'll be like normal. It's not working.

I DJ, write lyrics, play video games, go out for an all-nighter each weekend. I have my family and friends beside me. The armour I wear now is old, for 3 years I didn't need it, but now I wonder how it worked before. I look back and wonder how I managed to do this for so long and so well. I left myself too open for too long and now it's too hard to close up shop.

Maybe sleeping pills will help with my sleeping problem. Too bad there's nothing to help with the rest. =/